I love Jimmy Fallon’s character Sara and her “ew”. I can’t help but hear it in my head when I use the phrase myself, probably a little too often. In all seriousness though, I want to talk about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie that debuted on Valentine’s Day and has since grossed more than $145 million at the box office. People are literally flooding to watch this movie and subsequently fantasize what it would be like to be swept off your feet by a rich man with a salacious sexual desire.
I’ll admit, I read the book series. At the time that I read it, I didn’t think much of it. Sure it had gratuitous sex scenes and played into S&M, but I remember reading excerpts of my Mom’s Danielle Steel book collection and those being much more graphic. I suppose what was being proposed in the book never seemed like a big deal to me, until now.
I am a victim of sexual abuse. My experiences have spine-tingling similarities to the context in Fifty Shades. But I can tell you that experiencing it in real life as opposed to reading about it happening to fictional characters are two very separate and opposite things.
This is what gets me, that the idea of a wealthy man with a track record of being promiscuous, having particular fancies in the bedroom, a solid reputation, people idolizing him and respecting his work, never really seemed like a bad thing to me when I read the books. How could I have been so naïve? Right, because Christian Grey is supposed to be a fictitious character.
NEWSFLASH!!! His character is all too familiar in real life. But, without the penmanship of a woman to plot out how the story unfolds, let me tell you, more often than not, it goes a little something like this…
Man with power meets woman he is attracted to. Man uses this power (wealth, fame, notoriety, status, career) to ‘woo’ woman by dropping compliments like bombs on her un-expecting persona and self-esteem. Woman agrees to befriend man with belief that man is true and genuine with no ill-intent towards woman. Man gets woman into a position where she has perceived trust and perhaps admiration for man. Man beats woman. Man uses power to manipulate woman and/or instill fear so that she a) does not leave man or b) does not tell anyone about painful experiences. Man continues to live luxurious life protected from any repercussions while woman attempts to live life with pain, regret, remorse, anger, guilt, fear, and a multitude of other emotions attached to sexual abuse.
For a few weeks after the movie came out, I kept seeing the same thing on social media. It was a picture of a trailer home and it read, “Fifty Shades of Grey is only romantic because they guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be a criminal minds episode.” Therein lies our problem, that even society agrees that if you have power – in any sense of the word – you can essentially get away with anything. Reading this hurt me and it was a solid 5 days that it kept popping up on various feeds. Most would laugh at it, but it evoked a deep pain in me. I could imagine that it would have done the same for other women who have also experienced sexual abuse.
If I can be real for a moment here, no person, in any socio-economic status gets a “get out of jail free” card for this shit. I don’t care if you’re rich or poor, abuse is abuse. Unfortunately, I would imagine a disproportionate group of men who have this perceived power, are the ones who commit abuse simply because they think they can. The joke all over social media supports that.
I, for one, will never watch the Fifty Shades of Grey movies. I have already disposed of my books and I’m already dreading the media circus and marketing for the second installment of the series to come to theatres. Don’t kid yourself ladies, it doesn’t matter how much money he has, he does not have a right to hit you in the name of S&M, nor should you allow it. Do not become blinded by the carrots he dangles in front of you in an attempt to coerce you to get what he wants. Chances are, there is no love story or fairy tale ending. This book does nothing but glorify and reinforce society’s’ crooked view of love and romance.
The Personal Is Political 