When you move to a new city where you virtually know no one, it quickly becomes apparent that you need to brush up on your socializing skills. For someone like me who grew up in a small city in a slower part of the country, meeting people has never been a problem. If you’re out in Regina, SK, you’re going to run into someone you know. The 6 degrees of separation quickly becomes about 2 degrees, if not 1, maybe even -29 degrees (really bad joke). What I’m getting at is the opportunity to truly meet someone new, who knows nothing about you or your brother or your best friend or your neighbour, isn’t as common where I come from. So being in Toronto and having every single face be a new one, let’s just say, has been an interesting process.
When you meet someone new, it’s sort of like clockwork. The small talk that you make. The vague sense of self you give off as you try to decipher whether this person is going to be worth talking to or not. Okay, that sounds harsh, but it’s true – someone people are a complete waste of your time. End of story. But for those who aren’t, for those who exceed your expectations or give you that unexpected feeling of comfort and warmth while talking to them, you want to go beyond conversing about what you do for a living or what’s on your iPod.
I’ve always been fascinated by the connectedness between us. When you meet certain people and they just connect with you. It doesn’t make sense, nor does it have to. That gut feeling you have is enough to know that it’s right. So you open up a little and you try to explain to that person who you are through a series of conversations, and you end up really learning a lot about yourself. Obviously your best qualities shine the brightest, so whatever you’re exceptional at goes first. Getting to know someone is a fun process, but I’m realizing more that when you’re trying to get to know someone through these conversations, you’re also really getting to know yourself. You pick and choose what you share and attempt to articulate how you feel about certain things. Whether it be a political opinion, a religious affiliation, a spiritual belief, or simply the way you live your life, when you’re getting to know someone and these things are discussed, you’re really going through a process of self-discovery.
For me, it’s been a process of reaffirmation, reassurance, and a boost in confidence of who I am. When I’m telling someone, ” this is me”, it feels so much more concrete. Like I’ve reached an age where I think I am now who I will be in 10 years and actually believe it. You see this person you’ve created through your story telling and personal divulgation and you think, “wow, is this really who I am?” and it is.
I’ve realized I’m much more spiritual than I ever thought I was. My belief in energy and ‘vibes’ are very strong at this point in my life. I’ve left much of my life up to destiny in the past couple of years and try to connect the dots between events that led me to different things and it seems to create clarity in my life unlike anything else. It provides me with that confidence and reassurance when I feel like I have nothing and I’m going nowhere. I believe everything serves a purpose in your life, it just takes time to find out what that purpose is. I’ve realized how insecure I am still about a variety of different things. I’ve put more thought into what I truly do like and what I don’t.
Coming out of each encounter with a new person makes me more whole. I am slowly putting the pieces together to map out who I really am. I’m realizing what is truly important to me and what isn’t. It’s a really good feeling, almost purifying or cleansing – in a way. Like whatever people know about you or what people have thought about you in the past, all of those assumptions are gone. It’s just you interpreting you to the best of your ability. It’s incredibly real.