I just read a BuzzFeed article called, “16 Instances Of Micro-Misogyny That Prove The Patriarchy Is Everywhere“. The very first point says, “When guys call their ex-girlfriends crazy”. This resonated with me as a friend and I had had a conversation earlier in the week. We were talking about how frustrating men can be. Specifically when it comes to expressing their emotions or just being straight up honest about how they feel. She said to me, “the only reason women are crazy is because men drive us to be”. I laughed and agreed.
I’ve heard far too many men describe a woman as crazy. How often do I actually legit think she is crazy? Zero.
I’ve come to realize that some men find it difficult to look back on their past relationships as lesson learning experiences. They neglect to remember all of the really positive things that came out of the relationship like getting through rough times together, being a supportive and encouraging partner, what things you vow never to take forward into your next relationship. Instead it’s easier to call their ex a bitch or say she’s crazy. She couldn’t have broken up with you simply because she didn’t feel the fit was right? Or that you maybe weren’t meant for each other? Or better off with someone else? No, she’s just crazy.
I suggest you never believe someone who cared about someone enough to stay in a long-term relationship when they call their ex crazy. Ex’s do not have to be the menacing evil-doer who ruined your life and now you’ll never be the same. All of our past relationships have played a vital role in who we are today. We learn what our values are, what things we can live with and let slide versus what we must absolutely have. We learn to pick future partners better, being fully aware of the red flags and running for the hills if you see one.
If you find yourself holding a grudge about an ex, perhaps it’s time to explore where those feelings are coming from? Why do you feel the way you do? What are you dwelling on? What are you not admitting to yourself? Those feelings of anger and resentment can be poison, so I suggest you figure it out sooner than later and move on. Oh, and while you’re figuring it out, try pointing the finger towards yourself a little bit more.
I know exactly what I should have done differently in the past and I vow to never make those same mistakes again. With J, I can clearly see what my issues are and what I need to work on. This time, I know how to do it and I own it. The outcome is that I let go of any anger or resentment and love, fully, with an open heart and new perspective.